The Meeting
Marvel and DC. Simpsons and Family Guy. Scooby Doo and The Harlem Globetrotters. Nachonomics and I Enjoy Nachos.
Epic crossovers; each and every one.
So, the story goes that two fine gentleman were on two completely different road expeditions. Each traveling the country in search of different things. Each away from home for distinctive reasons, but both eventually diverging on one single location in these great United States. Would it even be possible to perfectly time our journey's end in unison? Could we, weary travelers, after hours upon hours of traveling the seemingly never-ending roadway that is summertime vacation, actually meet? Could two cool nacho dudes that were brought together by destiny, or some might say the internet, descend on a single point on planet Earth at the same time after days and days of gasoline-propulsion insanity?
Yes.
The nacho deities allowed it.
Kind of...
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| I Enjoy Pools. Coming Soon! |
Little did we know that our epic journey would not end in nacho glory. We would not high-five each other in a triumphant display of nacho solidarity in front of a restaurant full of patrons. No, our meeting would take an unfortunate comical turn due to a minor overlooked triviality called "reservations" which we apparently lacked on a Sunday night.
Not to be deterred by this unfortunate event we did what any two nacho zealots would do that traveled many-a-mile to eat nachos together for the first time.
We ordered them.
We ordered them To Go.
We ordered them To Go for mass consumption back at the 'I Enjoy Nachos' highfalutin HQ.
Perhaps this was, in some strange way, an important part of my nacho journey. Perhaps my journey is not always out there on the road, but right in my own home with good nacho company instead.
The Interview
I Enjoy Nachos: We both already know that nachos are the
greatest food known to mankind. If the internet did not exist, how would you
spread the nacho word?
Nachonomics: I think I would have to either wander the land,
like a Johnny Appleseed or Randall Flagg, spreading the good word door to door,
or get one of those Medicine Show carts and put on shows about the curative
power of nachos. As I don't even know where you'd get one of those carts these
days, so it would probably be the former, but I'd always long for the lifestyle
of the latter.
IEN: You have a doctorate in Nachonomics. Where did you
study?
N: Miskatonic University in Arkham Massachusetts. It's known
mostly for their medical school and rather impressive library, but they also
have a rather impressive culinary arts graduate program as well. Not on the
level of say a Le Cordon Bleu or Auguste Escoffier, but still very respectable
in the field. 22 months of non-stop nacho studies later and boom, doctorate in
Nachonomics, fastest earned in the history of the school.
IEN: You are quite the fan of H.P. Lovecraft. If you were to
create a nacho platter in his honor what ingredients would they consist of and
how would you name them?
N: Well, Lovecraft being just about the whitest white guy
around and something of a racist probably wouldn't have eaten nachos for being
too foreign, but if he somehow managed to stomach them they'd have to be pretty
basic. Corn chips, ground beef (free of exotic spices that would have run havoc
on his stomach cancer), and a lot of cheese and sour cream as he was a dairy
lover. A pretty sad dish to be sure that I wouldn't serve to anyone. No, in his
honor I would make a dish known as Nacho-Sothoth, which would contain blue corn
chips, fried calamari (the kind that look like a mass of cut off tentacles
rather than the rings), Wisconsin sharp cheddar, pico do gallo, and habanero
slices rather than jalapenos. That would be a thoroughly alien looking dish
with enough different flavors mixed in and the added bonus or every now and
then getting a piece of habanero that would be so spicy as to drive you mad!
IEN: I've been a proud backer of two successful
nacho-related Kickstarters you've launched. Is there anything new coming down
the nacho pike?
N: Why as a matter of fact there is! The final book in The
Complete Collection of Nacho Knowledge, "Selected Recipes from The
Nachonomicon", will probably launch Cinco de Mayo 2016. There may also be
some sort of nacho board or card game in the works, but the exact details of
that are still sworn to secrecy.
IEN: There are rumblings all over the internet about a Nacho
News Network. Is there anything you can tell us at this point?
N: I could tell you about The Nacho News Network, or better
yet, I could SHOW you about it. Witness the majesty of a one go to stop
directing you to the finest of nacho websites the internet has to offer.
Witness a mecca of the nachoiest nacho nachoness.
Witness THE NACHO NEWS NETWORK!!! (coming sooner than Star Wars)
The Review
Blue Sage Vegetarian Grille
772 2nd Street Pike
Southampton, PA 18966
(215) 942-8888
Adobo Goat Cheese Nachos
From the Menu: Blue corn tortillas with adobo black beans, roasted corn, grilled red peppers, oven dried grape tomatoes, cilantro and creamy onion goat manchego cheese.
Price: $11.95
I was so excited to eat these nachos. Truly. I had a fellow nacho connoisseur by my side and a sense of wonder from being turned away from a restaurant on a Sunday night for lack of reservations. This surely was a mixture for success that I actually believed (at the time) would lead to a remarkable nacho experience.
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| Symmetry in nacho. |
They certainly took pride in providing an excellent 'To Go' nacho experience. I'll be reusing those containers for decades or until I die from BPA poisoning.
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| If you look REALLY close you can see a shitty CG Jabba the Hutt. |
First thing you may notice is a lot of brown with only two real bright beacons of color. These were definitely the Tatooine of nachos. Not a lot of life on the surface, but had potential for something great to rise from it.
You should know that I love Star Wars. A lot. And Uncle Owen and Aunt Beru were awesome.
Poor Uncle Owen and Aunt Beru.
What a horrible fate they endured. Especially for a PG movie!
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| It's important to always stay hydrated. |
From the picture above it does appear that I loved these nachos. And I certainly wouldn't say I hated them. They were just, well... boring. Really boring. I expected more pops of flavor from vegetarian nachos. Without the typical meat topping to add that punch of taste (aka grease), I hoped for a few spicy substitutes. But there was no smack to the lips to be found. Just a subtle and delicate goat cheese taste that forced me to eat more and more in hopes to find that missing zing my tongue was expecting. Every single ingredient was more bland than the next and that makes me incredibly sad.
It's as if millions of taste buds cried out in terror and were suddenly silenced.
- Presentation: 4
- Assembly: 8
- Originality: 7
- Value: 4
- Taste: 4
- Overall: 5.4
So, through our mutual disappointment of the nachos we endured, our friendship has ultimately endured. We discovered that there is only one thing better than bonding over something you love.
It's something you can bitch about.
I highly recommend you join us on our nacho journeys.
Where will they take us next?
